This morning I received an e-mail from a friend who was asking some advice about having more children, and it absolutely broke my heart. Not because I felt bad for her – but because she felt alone…she felt guilty in her feelings towards the subject.

And suddenly I had the urge to write about it. Why? Because we as women need to unite. We need to reach out and know there are people out there we can talk to, we need to be friends without judgement. We need to know that we are not alone, but rather…we have all either been there or will be.

I cant tell you how many times I hear the same issues come up from my friends when we talk about certain issues…for example, marriage.

What have I come to conclude? We almost ALL have the same issues. The one I hear most about is when children are introduced into the family. There is now a whole new dynamic that comes into play, and at first everyone is happy and cooing over the new baby in their sleep-deprived state…but then things start to get real. Often sex starts to go by the wayside, or there are issues of what is perceived as ‘selfish’ behavior, communication is breaking down, the husband believes that the baby is starting to take the number 1 place in the household, and probably the worst – everyone outside of the situation has their own opinion and simply LOVES to give their own advice as to what they think would be best for you.

It can be a lot, your emotions are all over the place. You are having a hard time running your household the way you feel it should be, and still trying to ‘do it all’. Your own self confidence is taking a beating, and the one person who you need to be on your side the most (your husband), suddenly doesn’t seem to be speaking the same language.

Here is what you need to understand – YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! Don’t feel like you are going through these things alone, that your marriage is in trouble, that you need to grin and bear it. We were not meant to be islands among ourselves, either as an individual or as a family unit. Find other women, someone you feel comfortable with that is around your age, and reach out! Know that this too shall pass. Your child will get older, your life will return back to a more normal state, and you and your husband will learn to speak the same language again. An extra dose of patience all around can go a long way.

Another thing I hear from women quite frequently is that they feel ‘guilty’ having more than 1 child. They feel bad admitting it, but they are not sure if they will ever be able to love another child as much as they love their first. Guess what..THERE IS NOTHING TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT!!! These are your emotions, they are normal and they are natural. I am pretty sure most women have the same thought, whether they want to admit it or not. I know I did. But guess what also…you can, and you will. It is hard to imagine right now because you only have one child, but when you have more your heart just grows.

I am not going to lie and tell you it is easy having more children, loving them IS the easy part. But with all its ups and downs, it is worth it.

And YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!

We need to be there for one another as women. not just to quote scripture AT them and walk away as if they should just know better. But to actually BE there for them, love is an action, it is an actual relationship with someone, not a word spoken to them. To listen, to empathize, give a hug when a hug is needed. To let each other know that we have been there, or will be.

You are not ‘abnormal’ for your thoughts or troubles, you do not need to suffer alone. In fact, you are very NORMAL. As every woman who has ever opened up to me, come to me with a question or wanting to talk about some of these subjects, has had the VERY SAME ISSUES.

Know, you will make it through. Please, I know it is hard to open up sometimes and let people know you are struggling. So often we want to put on a facade that all is well, that our houses are clean. But stop and think, sometimes the healing isn’t for you. Sometimes it is the other person that you are opening up to that needs to hear it.

Find people you trust, and talk to them. You are NOT alone.

And if you don’t have anyone you want to talk to about it, or want to be more anonymous about it all. Know you can always e-mail me. I am not a counselor in any way, shape or form – nor do I pretend to have all the answers. But I can be hear to listen if you need me to. I may not respond right away, but I will respond.

Thanks so much for stopping by, and have a great rest of your weekend.